Garuda purana - IT

1. The Uncommented Code Offender

 Crime: Writing thousands of lines of complex code without a single comment.
Punishment: Debugging ancient spaghetti code for eternity.

2. The Meeting Scheduler Demon

Crime: Scheduling unnecessary meetings at 4:30 PM on Fridays.
Punishment: Eternal meetings where no one can find the mute button.

3. The Reply-All Abuser

Crime: Hitting "Reply All" on company-wide emails unnecessarily.
Punishment: Inbox eternally filling with millions of unread messages.

4. The Credit Thief

Crime: Presenting colleagues' work as their own.

Punishment: Pitching ideas that someone else says seconds before they can.

5. The Scope Creeper

Crime: Adding requirements after deadlines are fixed.
Punishment: Building an app whose requirements change every 5 minutes.

6. The Coffee Pot Deserter

Crime: Taking the last coffee without making a new pot.
Punishment: Eternal thirst next to perpetually broken coffee machines.

7. The Keyboard Crusher

Crime: Typing with excessive force on mechanical keyboards.

Punishment: Using phantom keyboards that register random characters.

8. The "It Works On My Machine" Evader

Crime: Dismissing bug reports without investigation.

Punishment: Using a computer that fails only during important demos.

9. The Jargon Jockey

Crime: Excessive use of buzzwords to sound knowledgeable.
Punishment: Can only speak in outdated tech terms to Gen Z developers.

The Sprint Abandoner

Crime: Taking vacation during critical release sprints.
Punishment: Eternal "working vacation" with emergency calls from impossible locations.

The Documentation Dodger

Crime: Refusing to document processes or knowledge before leaving the company.
Punishment: Starting new jobs with zero onboarding, repeatedly, forever.

12. The Deadline Denier

Crime: Consistently promising impossible timelines to clients.
Punishment: Working against a giant countdown clock that speeds up whenever they look at it.

13. The Micromanager

Crime: Hovering over employees' shoulders and controlling every detail.
Punishment: Forced to write code while 100 managers simultaneously give contradictory instructions.

14. The Standup Storyteller

Crime: Turning 15-second standup updates into 15-minute personal stories.
Punishment: Eternally standing in a daily standup where their mouth is muted but they must listen to everyone else.

15. The Test Skipper

Crime: Pushing code to production without testing.
Punishment: Debugging in production while customers watch and critique.

16. The Whiteboard Marker Hoarder

Crime: Collecting and keeping all functioning whiteboard markers at their desk.
Punishment: Presentations with markers that appear normal but leave no visible marks.

17. The Merge Conflict Creator

Crime: Force-pushing to master branch without resolving conflicts.
Punishment: Eternally resolving merge conflicts between infinitely diverging branches.

18. The Legacy System Abandoner

Crime: Creating new systems instead of maintaining critical legacy code.
Punishment: Supporting COBOL applications on punch cards without documentation

19. The Passive-Aggressive Commenter

Crime: Leaving snarky comments in code reviews instead of helpful feedback.
Punishment: Code that transforms their typed insults into self-deprecating comments.

20. The Status Update Avoider

Crime: Ghosting project managers when asked for updates.
Punishment: Being followed by spectral project managers who appear whenever they take a break.

21. The Indentation Anarchist

Crime: Mixing tabs and spaces in code formatting.
Punishment: Editing code where whitespace randomly changes after every keystroke.

22. The Over-Promiser

Crime: Claiming new features will be "super easy, barely an inconvenience."
Punishment: Implementing their promised features with technology from the 1980s.

23. The Localhost Deployer

Crime: Giving demos with "http://localhost" links no one else can access.
Punishment: Presenting to executives using a computer that can only display its screen to them, while appearing blank to everyone else.

24. The UI Cramming Designer

Crime: Insisting on fitting every possible feature on one screen.
Punishment: Using applications where buttons shrink to microscopic size as they try to click them.

25. The Git Historian

Crime: Rewriting git history to make themselves look more productive.
Punishment: Their commit history becomes sentient and reveals embarrassing coding mistakes.

26. The Ticket Hoarder

Crime: Assigning themselves tickets they never intend to complete.
Punishment: Buried alive under physical manifestations of their JIRA tickets.

27. The "I'll Do It Later" Procrastinator

Crime: Creating TODOs in code and never addressing them.
Punishment: Writing applications where every third line must be a TODO comment.

28. The Production Hotfixer

Crime: Making changes directly in production environments.
Punishment: Working on systems where every keystroke has a 50% chance of triggering a siren.

29. The Keyboard Shortcut Show-Off

Crime: Making others feel inadequate by using obscure shortcuts.
Punishment: Using a keyboard where keys randomly remap every few minutes.

30. The Lone Wolf Developer

Crime: Building critical systems with zero documentation that only they understand.
Punishment: Supporting their own undocumented code for eternity without being able to remember how it works.